My Little Boy,
Oh how I ache to hold you.
My mind presses with questions unanswered.
What I wouldn't give to hear your laughter fill a room, to lock eyes, hold your face in my hands.
What I wouldn't give to watch you sleeping.
Today we heard that the orphanage took you to the hospital to run tests for us...
a hospital that could not run even the most basic cardiac test.
They will take you again next week to a different hospital,
in hopes of capturing the function of your beautiful heart.
Mine feels shattered at the idea of you going without me,
I cannot protect you,
what do you feel going back into those sterile doors?
What have you seen and experienced within hospital walls.
2 months you spent at a hospital,
pneumonia, open heart surgery.
2 months a mystery to us.
2 months of mustering courage beyond your years.
My little boy,
what I wouldn't give to be the one,
to hold you,
to whisper in your ear,
to wipe your tears.
So I will lay my empty arms before the Lord,
wet my prayers with tears
and again surrender to the One
who was there,
who is there now,
whose arms hold you,
who whispers to us both
"Be still and know that I am God"